Saturday, December 28, 2013

Stop the "But Sandwich"

"I may not be pretty but at least I'm smart."

"I may be fat but I have a pretty face."

"I'm so smart, the right guy will over look the fact that I am plain Jane."

"I'm fat but I can diet, then I'll look good."

"I'll never get that guy... there's no way he'd be interested in me."

We hear statements similar to these on a daily basis but what do we do to stop them?  What do we do to help each other rather than bring each other down?  When is the last time that you genuinely issued a compliment without expecting something in return?

Our world has become so sad and disappointing.  We no longer aim to please each other;  we don't think about the way that others may translate our words and the harm that they may cause.

I knew a girl once who fell into a very deep depression due to the harmful way that she was treated by a spouse.  She was told that nobody else would want her because she was fat.  She was told that she was a terrible cook, housewife, and mother.  She waited every night wondering when he would come home and who he had been with because his cell phone was turned off.  She even called the hospitals and police department worried that he had been in an accident.  She was cheated on and abused and accepted it because she felt that these behaviors were all that she was worth.

She was so depressed that she found relief in self harm. 

I know this girl because I WAS this girl.

I say was because she is gone.  I bid farewell to her a long time ago and although I still remember her and feel for her, she is gone and will never return.  She was more help to me than anybody else could have been.  She taught me what desperation felt like, what pain felt like, what rock bottom felt like, and that the only person who can bring you back up is yourself.

I am now much healthier.  I love who I see when I look in the mirror.  I post selfies because they are good for my health- they show me that I should no longer hide from the camera.  I have found healthy ways to deal with my depression... I journal, blog, craft, walk, take pictures, and spend time with my three boys.  I no longer find pleasure in causing myself pain.

I see posts on social networking sites like the ones I have put on this blog and I am saddened.  When and if you EVER see or hear a young woman (or man) speaking like this, do what is right.  Tell them that they should never put themselves in a "but sandwich."

"I have a pretty face but I'm fat."
"I have a nice body but I have acne."
"I'm smart but guys don't like smart girls."

We need to teach our youth that they are worthy and beautiful and there are NO BUTS.  They are smart and wanted and there are NO BUTS.

If we start now, we may be able to stop future generations from self mutilation and depression before they start thinking that the "but sandwich" statements are acceptable. 

Maybe I can make this post just a little bit more personal for all of us... imagine walking in on your child cutting his/herself because they accept themselves as mediocre.


  1. I'm so glad that you have overcome that abuse and that you appreciate and love yourself. I think about what you wrote a lot myself. The media plays a big part in how young women see themselves too. I agree with you and we need to spread the idea to young women that they ARE beautiful and shouldn't let others put them down. Too often we compare ourselves to other people and too often I see young girls teasing others for not quite fitting the mold of society's perfect girl. Spreading encouraging words like this is very helpful. Thanks!