Tuesday, February 19, 2013

We Decided to Fight

Marriage is the hardest job that anybody can accept.  The pay is awful, the hours are long, and you work seven days a week.  Some have to try a time or two to get it right but once you get it right, it can be the most amazing feeling.  Don't get me wrong, there is still daily maintenance, compromise, and a lot of "discussions" that are had, but one thing changes.  When you find the right person, the work that is required to maintain your happy marriage doesn't seem so much like work and it all becomes something that you actually want to fight for- all of a sudden, you know that it is worth the effort. 


I married Steven on October 31, 2010 after two years of dating.  We knew each other through my parents for a few years prior to that so we thought we were prepared.  We were best friends, he loved my children, my family loved him, and we loved each other.  I'm not talking about puppy love or love at first sight, I'm talking about all consuming, can't accomplish anything because I'm too busy thinking about him, can't wait til he gets off work and comes over love.  Yeah, that one.  Sooooo, we did what any couple would do when you are crazy in love, we planned a wedding and decided to spend the rest of our lives together.


We spent hours and hours planning the wedding ensuring that everything was perfect, we spent time moving him into our home, but we did not spend time setting boundaries or answering the tough questions like:  stances on finances, credit numbers, ex-drama, family interference, etc.

We will be the first to admit that we started off on the wrong foot.  We jumped in and didn't look to see how deep the water was.  There have been several nights of dinners gone cold, one or the other sleeping on the couch, cases of the silent treatment, and even discussions of divorce.

Something needed to change- one way or the other so, we sat down and attempted something totally new... communication.  Yup, we talked about how we were feeling and how the treatment from the other was affecting us.  We cried, we hugged, and we vowed to change.  We asked each other if WE were worth it and both answered (without hesitation), yes.  So we've made some serious changes.  Steven has become so much more responsible.  He cleans, disciplines the boys, works two jobs in order to pay all of the bills while I am in Portland, and has admitted that he appreciates all that I do to keep our house in order and operating smoothly.  I have started recognizing the small things that he does to make me happy.  He brings me my favorite candy for no reason, he walks up behind me while I am doing dishes and kisses me on my collar bone, and he lies uncomfortably so that I can cuddle in my "spot" on his chest.

We started valuing each other and we are paying attention to each other's needs.  We are making every effort to make each other happy.

I can honestly say that I have not been this in love with my husband since we started dating.  I am back to that giddy girl who waits for him to get home and jumps in his arms when he walks through the door. 

Marriage is soooo hard and requires soooo much work but we have decided that there is nothing that is more worth the effort.  We are going to be sitting on our front porch in fifty years in matching rocking chairs, drinking sweet tea, and watching the rain... hand in hand and completely in love.
 


39 comments:

  1. I'm so excited to read this. I have been praying for you guys. Love ya'll miss ya guys too!!

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  2. No one realized how difficult a relationship can be. It's so easy to get into a bad place and it takes three times the amount of time and energy to dig your way out of it.

    So glad to see things going well!

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    1. It really does; that's why the divorce rate is so high. People see the effort they have to put in in order to save it and would rather give up. Sad.

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  3. That is so great!! I think those ups and downs are so normal. We've had plenty of them over 13 years. But when you keep going you can build a depth into your relationship that you can't have with a brand new relationship. So kudos to you both for deciding that your relationship is worth fighting for! That is awesome.

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    1. Aawww... thanks Beth. Wow, 13 years! That's great.

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  4. Awesome! It is much easier to work on a relationship if both partners are committed to making it work! This is very encouraging! It is nice to see a couple not giving up and working towards a common goal! Good luck!
    XO

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    1. Thank you so much. Yes, it is very encouraging when both partners decide that the union is worth saving. :-)

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  5. This was SO sweet. Congrats on sticking with it and making it work.

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  6. I read once that the definition of "marriage" is the union of two excellent forgivers.

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  7. I know exactly what you mean! I'm so glad Kyle and I decided to fight for our marriage too.

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  8. I have to be honest that this argument of love is, so romantic. My husband and I quickly jumped in, as well. We were pregnant within three months of knowing each other, and were married a year and a half afterwards. Our union has not always been a field of daisy's, but we've always communicated well, him more so than me. Given our living situation, we are all each other has, for talking, friendship, and movie night in.
    I believe that when you are best friends with your partner, that even when the times of love are weak, the tie of friendship will ultimately keep those ties bound, and the love will surface again.
    Congratulations on your re-flamed love.

    Amanda @3lilapples

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    1. This comment was beautiful. It is true, fighting for you marriage is the hardest thing that a couple can do but it is so worth it. It's lovely when you can call your spouse your lover, confidante, and best friend.

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  9. I love this! I'm so glad you decided to make it work. It's amazing what a little change of heart can do for a relationship. :)

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  10. I agree; the effort is definitely worth it!

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  11. Great post! Just what I needed to read considering I get married next week! Communication is so important and I hope my husband and I will be able to be as successful at it as you and your hubby are!!

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  12. Thx for sharing this so openly - love it! Following from the hop

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  13. This is such a sweet post. Thanks for sharing it on the Farmhouse Style Blog Hop! Please join us again tomorrow! www.greeneggsandgoats.com

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