Four years ago Rihanna was allover the news regarding the abuse that she received from Chris Brown. Now, they are attending lavish affairs arm in arm and defending each other.
I really want to understand this because it happens to so many of us... myself included. Since I am an open book, I'll give you a little bit of the back story.
Before I met my Georgia Peach (current husband), I was married to my childrens' father for eight years. I married him when I was twenty-one. We always had a very tumultuous relationship and I was warned by many not to get involved with him but I was young, headstrong, and in lust (as I never truly loved him). I didn't listen.
He was Prince Charming. He whisked me off to weddings and quinceneras, buying me expensive gowns and perfumes every time. He was romantic and mysterious and I was completely enchanted.
We married (eloped) and had two children. Things began to change. He was angry and disconnected and worked long hours. He was gone all the time and went out with his friends (whom I was never allowed to meet) and came home intoxicated every weekend.
Then came affairs, three that I know of and many more that were speculated. There were always gifts and promises and lovely shifts back to Prince Charming.
I stayed. I stayed because I thought it was better to have a father in my boys' life. I stayed because I believed the promises that he loved me. I stayed because, "It will never happen again." I stayed because I believed that a bad husband is better than no husband. I stayed because I believed that I could do no better.
Then he gave me the reason to leave. I was beaten- in front of my children.
The cops were called, a restraining order was issued, he served 52 days in prison.
Even then I was not perfect. I faltered after he got out... there were more gifts, promises, and devotions of true love. I would still see him on occasion... jaded love is better than no love right?
I guess my biggest problem with the Rihanna/Chris Brown saga is that Rihanna is idolized by young women. She is in the public eye, which shouldn't make her any different than you or me. Unfortunately, her stardom carries some weight in the eyes of young, impressionable girls.
Girls who date.
Girls who are naive.
Girls who find "bad boys" intriguing.
Girls who fall in lust.
Nearly 80% of women who are abused stay in the relationship. 80% of women have the same excuses that Rihanna and I had... he changed, it won't happen again, and he loves me.
Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44 in the United States and three women are murdered by their partner each day. On average, all three of these women have been abused by this same partner prior to being murdered.
These men usually don't change. The abuse doesn't stop unless we stop it. Young women are at the highest risk for domestic violence... the same young women who look up to these pop stars. We need to be a positive example for young women; we need to show them that they are worth so much more. There is never a reason to be in an abusive relationship... never.
*Statistics found at: www.healingabusedwomen.com
I really want to understand this because it happens to so many of us... myself included. Since I am an open book, I'll give you a little bit of the back story.
Before I met my Georgia Peach (current husband), I was married to my childrens' father for eight years. I married him when I was twenty-one. We always had a very tumultuous relationship and I was warned by many not to get involved with him but I was young, headstrong, and in lust (as I never truly loved him). I didn't listen.
He was Prince Charming. He whisked me off to weddings and quinceneras, buying me expensive gowns and perfumes every time. He was romantic and mysterious and I was completely enchanted.
We married (eloped) and had two children. Things began to change. He was angry and disconnected and worked long hours. He was gone all the time and went out with his friends (whom I was never allowed to meet) and came home intoxicated every weekend.
Then came affairs, three that I know of and many more that were speculated. There were always gifts and promises and lovely shifts back to Prince Charming.
I stayed. I stayed because I thought it was better to have a father in my boys' life. I stayed because I believed the promises that he loved me. I stayed because, "It will never happen again." I stayed because I believed that a bad husband is better than no husband. I stayed because I believed that I could do no better.
Then he gave me the reason to leave. I was beaten- in front of my children.
The cops were called, a restraining order was issued, he served 52 days in prison.
Even then I was not perfect. I faltered after he got out... there were more gifts, promises, and devotions of true love. I would still see him on occasion... jaded love is better than no love right?
I guess my biggest problem with the Rihanna/Chris Brown saga is that Rihanna is idolized by young women. She is in the public eye, which shouldn't make her any different than you or me. Unfortunately, her stardom carries some weight in the eyes of young, impressionable girls.
Girls who date.
Girls who are naive.
Girls who find "bad boys" intriguing.
Girls who fall in lust.
Nearly 80% of women who are abused stay in the relationship. 80% of women have the same excuses that Rihanna and I had... he changed, it won't happen again, and he loves me.
Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women between the ages of 15 and 44 in the United States and three women are murdered by their partner each day. On average, all three of these women have been abused by this same partner prior to being murdered.
These men usually don't change. The abuse doesn't stop unless we stop it. Young women are at the highest risk for domestic violence... the same young women who look up to these pop stars. We need to be a positive example for young women; we need to show them that they are worth so much more. There is never a reason to be in an abusive relationship... never.
*Statistics found at: www.healingabusedwomen.com
I am sorry that you had to go through something so terrible. I am glad that you found your true prince and were able to fall in love
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry that you had to go through that but glad you made the right choice for you and your kids! :)
ReplyDeletethank you for sharing your story.
ReplyDeleteOne of these days... I should come clean and share mine... but I'm not ready yet.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you had to go through it... and I'm glad that you are stronger after leaving, it takes A LOT to leave, especially with children.
Sometimes it drives me nuts when things like that are publicized among the pop starts (or famous people at all) because of the number of young girls who look up to them. Because they are getting the signal that it's okay... things will change. But they won't... Typically they ALWAYS resort back to the problems they had before... it might take 6 months, but he will hit again. If you leave once and return it's even more dangerous... because in his mind he knows that he has control over you and it WILL escalate. It will get worse. :(
Thank you so much for sharing your story. You are a strong woman! I have so many issues with the Chris Brown/Rihanna thing. I pray for her.
ReplyDeleteIm happy you have a better life now and you met a good person .
ReplyDeleteAssholes are everywhere and in every race , size, gender, social klas and religion yes even religious people can have bad tempers
I don't believe in KarTa, cause I have seen Bad people smile and rise like nothing had happened .their lives, are fine and they are the ones who are allowed to start a life again, like nothing had happened with no remorse, some are even proud of what they do the feel big cause the make somebody suffer , it is the biggest and funniest joke for them. While those who have been hurt by them , stay with a scar , even are those who pretend that they are strong and those things doesn't affect them.
I don't understand Rihanna. She goes from being abused to singing about S & M in a blink of an eye. She's not the best role model, but you're story is a good one to share. I'm sorry you lived through that relationship, but I'm happy that you got out of it and are strong for it. Thank you for promoting awareness of domestic violence.
ReplyDeleteGood for you for having the strength to leave the abusive relationship. As you know, it often takes more than one attempt to break away. Let's hope that Rihanna will wise up and act in her own best interests. Unfortunately I suspect the whole music industry machine around her is also just as abusive.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you had to deal with this. It's so sad.
ReplyDeleteI think for some reason in Rhianna and Chris' case it is weird. I do think she may have hit him too. Maybe they both like to hit each other as part of their thing. Who knows.
Sorry to hear :[
ReplyDeleteA familiar story tho. Just that I have never been *married* to such bastard and he was never arrested by cops (I still think I should court him, as I have the papers by docs and cops know what happened) :P
x, Lara
My blog has moved :http://rrv12.blogspot.fi/
I'm sorry you experienced that :( Seems many of us either experienced it first hand or grew up in a home where it was the norm. I agree with you though, it needs to stop. While I know that no-one is perfect, I also feel like people who hold a high status should be better role-models. I often wonder where their support systems are too. Thanks for sharing your heart. Have a great weekend :)
ReplyDeleteSo glad you got out of that relationship!!! I know it can't have been easy. thanks for sharing your story. I hope it helps others in the same situation. <3
ReplyDeleteIt must have taken so much courage for you to get out of that relationship. I've read that the hardest part is leaving, which is why the Rihanna situation is hard for me to understand, since she left but is now back(?).
ReplyDeleteIT is so sad that our emotions are such strong motivation. We should all use our head more....personally, I don't think people should be allowed to get married until age 30.
ReplyDelete