You are the devil's elixir, a witch's brew, and the apple in my Garden of Eden. Why do you taste so delicious and have the evil power to convince my feeble little brain that I cannot function without you in the morning? Curse you coffee...curse you!
Dear night shift nurse,
You are lucky that I was feeling generous last night or I would have unleashed my pissed off fat woman ninja skills and karate chopped you right in the throat! What on earth would posess you to believe that you need to turn on every light in a room and knock on a door at 1:30am to take vitals? Just sneak in and do it, clearly we were sleeping.
You have become my first local friend! I am glad that we are getting to know each other and excited to spend more time with you. Thanks for letting me vent last night.
Dear new doctor,
How you doin'? You are a pretty package of eye candy wrapped in a silky Australian accent. Holler.
Leave Trystan alone! If you doubt my skills as a protective mother and think for one second that I will not chase you away, please reference my ninja skills.
*see letter to night shift nurse
Thank you for holding down the fort while I am gone and understanding that it's the OCD that makes me FaceTime with the boys so that I can see how clean my house is... it's not my fault!