Fall reminds me of Grammy (Helen Freeman to those who had never met her but Grammy to me). I don't know why Fall reminds me of her; her favorite time of year was Christmas and she smelled of lilac, not pumpkin spice. It's just a memory thing I guess.
Grammy loved everybody and everybody loved her. They were all given a chance with Grammy; she didn't judge and because of this everybody who met her fell instantly in love with her.
Grammy was a little bit crazy... ok, a lot a bit crazy but she was so damn lovable that she got away with it. My mother worked at the local grocery store and Grammy and Grandpa would go shopping and visit with Mom. Grammy would sneak up on one of the handsome young cashiers and pinch his butt AND get away with it... no repercussions. Just a laugh and a smile.
I was incredibly close to my grandmother although through my 'teen angst' I didn't show it. She and I shared many special moments that nobody else will ever know about; they are mine to keep forever.
When Grammy passed I was completely unprepared to handle her death. I had never been to a funeral, never had somebody close to me die, and couldn't deal. I went to a very dark place and didn't tell anybody; it has taken me years to digest her passing and to understand that she is gone.
I can finally think about the good times and laugh. I can burn lilac candles and smile rather than cry.
I think that Fall remind me of her because it is my favorite time of year. Fall is warm and inviting. Fall is for baking and wearing sweaters and giving thanks with family and those things are what Grammy was to me.
She was warm apple pie. She was turkey dinner with all of the trimmings. She was a warm sweater and a cup of tea.
I can never tell her what she meant to me and I've finally come to terms with that fact. I can however reminisce about the fun times, bring out the photo books, and love the Fall.