Sunday, September 9, 2012

Toxic Relationships

I am really hurting for somebody right now. I feel like I was her 10 years ago and I want to put on my Wonder Woman costume and rescue her- but I can't.

She is in an abusive relationship. She isn't physically abused, but her husband treats her like shit. He ignores her, belittles her, and due to this treatment, she has zero self respect. Uugghhh! I guess I hate this situation so much because I can relate to it so well.

I was a young mother. I was twenty when I had Noah and had the mentality of a twenty year old; I knew everything, had experienced all situations, and needed NO advice... I could conquer the world. Then, the world conquered me.

I was twenty one, a college drop out, divorced, and a single mother. My husband walked away from our son because he could not have me.

I faired very well in this situation, better than said ex-husband because I walked away with my self respect and a beautiful son. I have been able to turn my feelings of anger, disbelief, and regret into well wishes and pity. I feel sorry that my ex has missed out on raising our son. My son gets good grades in school, is on the football team, track team, is very respectful, and will be going to college. Noah has been nothing but a blessing and I feel sorry that my ex hasn't been able to experience Noah's growth into a wonderful young man.

My self respect and self esteem were harder fought however. I doubted myself for years. Was I a good wife? Was I pretty enough? Was I too fat? Why did he not try harder to keep his family? I felt that I was to blame for the demise of my marriage.

If I had lost weight or had blonde hair, maybe he would have tried harder. If I had listened to his requests ALL of the time, maybe he would have fought for us. Doesn't this sound ridiculous?

I look back and think, "If the me I am now met the old me on the street, she would have a stern talking to her!" I would explain to the twenty year old me that I am NEVER to blame for the actions of other people; choices are choices for a reason, they are to be made by individuals. I had NOTHING to do with the ex's choices; I did what I had to do. I raised my son (with the help of my family and friends), and fought hard for my self respect.

I wish that my friend would send her thirty five year old self to her twenty one year old self so that she could have a "talking to" her.

Until then, I can only offer support and be a positive example of how to escape a toxic relationship and conquer self doubt.




2 comments:

  1. Sucks that your ex missed out. But from the photos of the boys' first day of school, you're doing a phenomenal job and I give you so many props for being able to raise three children!!

    Have a great day!!!

    ReplyDelete