Sunday, March 15, 2015

Poor Loaf of Bread

Well, it has definitely been a weekend to remember.  Anybody need some comic relief?

First of all, I had a pretty major surgery less than two weeks ago so I am on bed rest.  That being said, I am not a bed rest type of gal.  I'm a go getter... a shot caller... a boss (ok, that just seemed like the cool thing to say).  I like the feeling of accomplishment.  I like getting things crossed off of the proverbial to-do list.  Bed rest is not on said list.  Not now, not ever.

I think I am losing my mind.

I woke up on Friday with a burst of energy and a smile on my face.  The birds were chirping on the branches outside of my window (circa Snow White), my skin did not resemble a Walker for the first time in six months, and I could move without feeling like my insides were falling on the floor.  You're welcome.

Naturally, I did what a motivated mother of three would do... I got busy.  I vacuumed, did a few loads of laundry, cooked a nice dinner, and started a new craft project.  I laid down with a huge sense of accomplishment and a self-pat on the back and attempted to sleep. 

*Attempted.

I tossed and turned all night and woke up with a very different feeling.  I was in severe pain, grouchy, exhausted, and hating life.  There were no singing birds, no sunshine, and no happy mommy.  In fact, my entire family hid from me all day.

Today I felt a little bit better so I decided that Taco Bell was not conducive to a healthy dinner and I better go grocery shopping.  I made it about half way around the store before I felt like I was going to die.  I was offered one of those electric shopping carts, which I vehemently denied... I refuse to be the fat girl riding on the electric cart! 

I got the groceries home and had the boys unload them.  Big mistake.  Huge.

It was a frenzy.  Food was flying everywhere.  Bags were torn open, snacks were fought over, it was ugly.  The only thing missing was the Australian documentarian in the background.

"And sneaking up on the oldest male we have the tiny one, outwitting the muscle bound elder siblings.  He swoops in while the teenagers engage in physical confrontation and snatches the food right out from under them!"



The food was put away and Supermom baked a homemade batch of sugar cookies.  I thought I was in the clear to take a nap.  Uh-Oh.  Supermom underestimated the male cubs.

I woke up from a brief, 45 minute nap to find:

*the Rubbermaid container that USED to contain one dozen cookies intended to be taken to my mother completely empty
*the sink full of dirty dishes
*the dogs running amok
*the tiny male playing a rated M video game
*the oldest male in Waldport with friends
*the middle male playing innocent

I will keep my reaction short but I will inform you that it included me:  asking for explanations and getting, "I don't know," breaking out in hives, discovering that many of the new shopping items were eaten by the den, and kicking a loaf of bread (don't ask).

I kicked a loaf of bread.  Really.


 



Tuesday, March 10, 2015

I'm Back (and a lil' rusty)

Well, it has been a whirlwind year for me and my lil' family.  We have had several health scares and surgeries, travels, new friendships, lost friendships, a return to college, and an upcoming high school graduation.  I like to keep my private life well, private and consider myself an extremely introverted person despite the fact that I write about nearly everything that happens to my family!

If given the choice between watching a movie at home cuddled up in a blanket or bar crawling with a large group of friends, I will always ask you your favorite tea flavor and buttered or plain popcorn.  That's just who I am. 

For years I tried to fight this natural instinct and consistently went out, tried new restaurants, knew all of the trendy little neighborhoods, and bragged about meeting the up and coming artists.  It was fun, I won't deny that but it wasn't me.

As hard as it is, I am facing the fact that I am getting older.  I am almost forty *cough* and am facing a lot of life changes.  My oldest son is graduating high school and moving on to pursue his own goals and aspirations, my middle son is a teenager and never home because he is consistently participating in sports and school activities, and my baby (who would die if he knew that I was calling him that) is growing up and becoming independent in his own way. 

I am spending a lot more time alone and learning to enjoy it.  I am occupying my time with drawing, mixed media, journaling, reading, and spending time with my mother.  I find myself growing closer and closer to my own mother.  She is the most beautiful, radiant woman I have ever seen.  Now, I know that everybody says that but I truly mean it.  She has all of the physical attributes that I would like to have... she is a natural redhead, has nearly a million freckles, and sea blue eyes.  People pay for her natural beauty!  Beyond that, she is wise beyond her years and more giving than anybody I have ever met.  She will drop everything if she has the slightest inkling that you need help (this happened just yesterday when she thought that I had split one of my staples).  I hope that one day my own children lean on me just as I lean on her.

It's kind of funny when you take a chance to look back.  As a teenager, older (wiser) people would tell me that I would have a family of my own and ask my mother for advise and I thought that they needed to be committed!  Now that my life has come full circle, I can not believe how much I have changed and how much I have learned.

I have a lot left to learn, continue to learn daily, and am so incredibly happy with where life has taken me.  I will continue to be open to suggestions and look forward to teaching my children the things that my mother has taught me.

 



Wednesday, September 17, 2014

Changes

It has been quite a while since I have blogged.  To be quite honest, I have had a hard time finding the motivation.  There is a lot of change occurring in my personal life and I have been making some life altering decisions.

My mother means the world to me.  She has taught me so many things over the years;  I have learned from her wisdom and her mistakes.  She has always been more than willing to admit to her mistakes and allow me to use them as stepping stones to a better future.  She is not perfect and has never claimed to be but, she is the perfect mother for me.  As I sit back and count my blessings that I have been blessed with a mother who has stood by me through thick and thin, I can not excuse those who have chosen to dishonor and disrespect their mother... especially when she is also my mother.  I hope that you take a long look in the mirror and realize that the person that you are is not the person who you claim to be and that you do so before it is too late.
 
My children are my world.  They brighten even the darkest day and always manage to put a smile on my face.  I am facing a huge change in all of our lives.  My oldest is planning his life- he is ready to graduate high school and forge a future for himself.  He has always had a warm heart and an old soul and the house will feel very empty without him.  My middle son just started high school.  He is finding his way;  he is smart, athletic, and witty.  He has a very bright future ahead of him and I am filled with pride every time I think about what he might choose for himself.  My youngest and I are on a different journey together.  I have decided that we will try home schooling this year.  He misses a substantial amount of school every year due to medical issues so, in order to ensure that he does not fall behind I chose to home school.  We are working on finding a balance between mommy and teacher but I am excited for this transition. 

Oregon has become our home.  We have been here for three years and have become:  organic eating, recycling, cable tv-free, hiking, outdoorsy, fishing Oregonians!  We are incredibly blessed and despite the obstacles that we encounter, we recognize that we have a small group of people around us who enrich our lives and bring us joy. 


Monday, August 4, 2014

Mistakes

Mistakes are just stepping stones put in your way in order to help you get to where you need to be.  You can either trip over them and get discouraged or you can move on and get closer to your destination.

I admittedly have made a lot of mistakes in my life.  People say that they do not regret their mistakes... that's bull.  We all regret our mistakes or else they would not be mistakes.  Some of us just choose to use them as a means for growth rather than a pity play.

I have destroyed relationships.  Some of which mean a great deal to me and some I may never be able to repair.  I regret those decisions every day.  There were beautiful people in my life who I pushed away or hurt with my razor blade tongue merely because I hadn't dealt with my personal struggles. 

I have always been the girl who "leaped before she looked" and didn't consider consequences to be of importance.  That being said, I have a few relationships under my belt that probably never should have happened.  These relationships and friendships did not end well but taught me a lot about myself.

I refuse to allow the mistakes of my past define who I am now.  I regret some of those mistakes and wish that I could take them back and take back the pain that I caused the people that I loved.  My reality is that I probably can not.  I can only hope that one day the people that I hurt will realize that it was unintentional.  I was in a dark, ugly place in my life and took them with me.

I would love to say that I have learned from all of my mistakes and will never make them again but this too is unrealistic.  We all make mistakes.  We all regret.  'Tis life.

I am choosing to be happy.  I am choosing the light.

I now have a man who loves me unconditionally and thinks the world of me and my kids.  He is lovely.  Just plain lovely.  I wake up every day to a forehead kiss and snuggles and the simple statement, "Good morning beautiful."  I have never felt so complete.

My children are healthy and happy and enjoy spending "family time."  We have three beautiful fur babies who top off our perfect little family. 

Rather than focus upon the negativity of my past, I am moving forward... following the light that now leads my life.  I hope that one day I can right all of the wrongs of my past;  that would make my new life absolutely ideal.  For now, I accept who I have become and where I have come from and love everybody in my life... myself first and foremost.



Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Reality?

Is it all right to admit to ourselves that we don't have our shit together?  Do we appear less "put together" if we fall apart once in a while?  Will I miss out on my Mother of the Year award if my kids aren't perfect or they eat peanut butter sandwiches for dinner occasionally?

If we took a look at our Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter accounts wouldn't we all be Mary Poppins?  I mean seriously, the shit that we choose to post for our supposed "friends" to see is all sunshine and roses, isn't it?

Today I woke up, took the dogs for a walk, mixed up some delicious fruit smoothies for the boys' breakfast, read a book while drinking coffee, and took a selfie (completely unedited of course)... all by ten o'clock.


Then I threw some chicken in the crock pot, took the boys to the beach, came home, washed, folded, and put away all dirty laundry, mopped the kitchen, scrubbed the bathroom, and took some time to myself... some more reading.  This was all done by four o'clock.

By five o'clock my alone time is complete and I am super excited about cooking a nutritious meal for my family.  I pull the chicken out of the crock pot, shred it, add spinach, kale, onions, and Cotija cheese (but only a little bit... cheese isn't very healthy) and roll it all up into whole wheat tortillas.  I put them in a baking dish with light enchilada sauce (homemade of course) and bake a healthy twist on enchiladas.  I then construct a lovely salad full of colorful vegetables and decide to bake a blueberry crisp from the berries that I handpicked the week before.

The boys are thrilled with dinner and dessert and have no problem doing the dishes for me because I have worked so hard to make them happy all day.  They clean the kitchen, put away their laundry, and then we top the night off with a carefully chosen family movie... Despicable Me 2.

Aahhh... I had a lovely day (as I do everyday).  According to Facebook.


Do I dare tell you how the story really went?

I wake up with my alarm at 7am, grumble, and fall back asleep.  Trystan comes into the bedroom at about 8:30am and says, "Mom!!  Wake up... what are we gonna do today?"  Really?  It's my day off and I'm exhausted. 

"Five more minutes Trystan."
"But Mom, I'm hungry and you promised that we'd do something fun today."

I yell for Aidan and ask him to make Trystan a bowl of cereal.

I rise out of bed, curse the sunlight, and start the Keurig (bless you coffee genius who manufactured the one cup of Heaven machine).  I then retreat to the restroom to sit in peace for five minutes and check Facebook. 

It is on Facebook that I find the smiling faces and inspirational quotes of all of my "friends."  Not to be outdone, I too post an inspirational, "Good morning, the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, I am so blessed," quote and flush the toilet.

I take the dogs for a walk (let them out into the backyard to do their business), and break up a war over the XBox.  I throw some chicken breasts into the crock pot and direct everybody to take a shower. 

Trystan:  "But Mom, I took one the other day."
Aidan:  "Mom, I'm tired.  Get out of my room."
Noah:  "Uugghhhhh."  (Goes back to sleep.)

I decide that I will take the boys to the beach.  That will ensure that I still get my Mother of the Year Award!  We load into the car, which takes a minimum of thirty minutes.  We arrive at the beach and I ask Aidan to carry Trystan down the hill that takes us to the sand.  He drags him by the arm, Trystan whining the entire time.  Noah spends the entire time on his IPhone, Aidan kicks sand in my eye (accidentally on purpose), and Trystan whines because the sand is hot.  I take some pictures for Facebook.

The above pictures are captioned, "Having a BLAST at the beach with my boys!  :-)

I contemplate scrubbing the bathroom... it doesn't happen.

I throw some laundry in the washer, knowing that it is going to end up in the "fold tomorrow" basket.

I make my healthy chicken enchiladas, simply to disguise the green vegetables in chicken and cheese so that I do not have to hear the kids complain, "I don't like kale."  The blueberry crisp will wait until tomorrow.

It's time to do the dishes.  I ask the boys who is doing which job and they all join in a competitive game of "Nose Goes."  Aidan loses and the argument begins.  

"I did it last time."
"You're so lazy."
"Well, you never do anything."
"I'm not unloading the dishwasher again."
"Why do you have to be such a jerk?"

I then assign jobs, and I become the jerk.

It is now eight o'clock and bedtime... for me.  I plug in Despicable Me 2 and tell Trystan that after it is over, he has to go to bed.  I tell Aidan to let the dogs in and make sure that all the lights are off.  I go to my room, open my book, read a few pages, and pass out.

My Facebook story and reality are somewhat the same, aren't they?







Friday, July 18, 2014

Friday's Letters!

Dear Dutch Brothers,
You make my 4am wake up calls somewhat tolerable.  Without you I would:  freeball it (solely because I forgot my undies), wear mismatched socks, bite the heads off of innocent bystanders, and fall off of my broom on my way to work!  Thank you.

Dear Cassie,
Thank you so much for thinking about me.  You are lovely.

Dear Colt and Drew,
We are like the Three Musketeers... except misbehaved!  We are a fierce, hair-tossing, blanket-sharing, f-bomb dropping, badass trio of divas- watch out world!

Dear Mandy,
Thank you for capturing the words that I could not find.  I will forever treasure my soul reading.  A million times... thank you.

Dear Kie,
You are beautiful and I have no idea how you put up with me but I am so glad that you do!

Dear Malaysian Airlines Fight 17 families,
I wish that I had the words to express my sorrow for your loss.  I can not even begin to say that I understand what you might be feeling;  I have a powerful feeling of sadness today.  My thoughts are with each and every one of you.




Friday, July 11, 2014

Labyrinth of Thoughts

How do I silence the random labyrinth of thoughts that chase each other around in my head?  I have fifty brilliant thoughts at any given time but not one that is noteworthy.  I want to write something beautiful and inspiring but instead create nothing but meaningless gibberish so I remove the pen from the paper and crumble airplanes that don't even fly.  Maybe I think too hard?  Maybe I try too hard?  Maybe if I just write and don't think about it or second guess myself then something brilliant and inspiring will just "happen," you know, like spontaneous combustion or evolution.  That's it!  Maybe an inspiring thought will just evolve from all of this random bullshit that streams through my consciousness all day long.  Maybe a combination of my daily sights, conversations, readings, and inspirations will explode into something worthy of jotting down... like a chemist combining just the right elements into a beaker!  I feel like any minute now something incredible and inspiring and creative and reflective is going to just explode onto my paper... 
 
or not.