Friday, July 18, 2014

Friday's Letters!

Dear Dutch Brothers,
You make my 4am wake up calls somewhat tolerable.  Without you I would:  freeball it (solely because I forgot my undies), wear mismatched socks, bite the heads off of innocent bystanders, and fall off of my broom on my way to work!  Thank you.

Dear Cassie,
Thank you so much for thinking about me.  You are lovely.

Dear Colt and Drew,
We are like the Three Musketeers... except misbehaved!  We are a fierce, hair-tossing, blanket-sharing, f-bomb dropping, badass trio of divas- watch out world!

Dear Mandy,
Thank you for capturing the words that I could not find.  I will forever treasure my soul reading.  A million times... thank you.

Dear Kie,
You are beautiful and I have no idea how you put up with me but I am so glad that you do!

Dear Malaysian Airlines Fight 17 families,
I wish that I had the words to express my sorrow for your loss.  I can not even begin to say that I understand what you might be feeling;  I have a powerful feeling of sadness today.  My thoughts are with each and every one of you.

Friday, July 11, 2014

Labyrinth of Thoughts

How do I silence the random labyrinth of thoughts that chase each other around in my head?  I have fifty brilliant thoughts at any given time but not one that is noteworthy.  I want to write something beautiful and inspiring but instead create nothing but meaningless gibberish so I remove the pen from the paper and crumble airplanes that don't even fly.  Maybe I think too hard?  Maybe I try too hard?  Maybe if I just write and don't think about it or second guess myself then something brilliant and inspiring will just "happen," you know, like spontaneous combustion or evolution.  That's it!  Maybe an inspiring thought will just evolve from all of this random bullshit that streams through my consciousness all day long.  Maybe a combination of my daily sights, conversations, readings, and inspirations will explode into something worthy of jotting down... like a chemist combining just the right elements into a beaker!  I feel like any minute now something incredible and inspiring and creative and reflective is going to just explode onto my paper... 
or not.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Pancakes in Pajamas

I fall into dark, lonely places that harbor only mistakes and broken promises.  I fall like Alice- quickly and fiercely and without warning- except my rabbit hole doesn't have cute little tea cups and furry little animals.  My rabbit hole contains the mistakes of my past, images of people I hoped to never see again, and nightmares.  I am jealous of Alice;  that bitch got forest creatures and vivid colors and I get darkness.

I am joyous.  I break out into ridiculous, spontaneous song and dance routines.  Sometimes I am a bubble gum pop queen, singing about love and summer time and sometimes I am a crooning diva, singing about the men who love me and the women who hate me.  I am beautiful and confident and leave spring daffodils and fall leaves in my wake.

I bathe in moonlight and rinse with champagne.  I captivate and lure;  I entice and haunt.  I will mystify you with my siren song and seduce you with my eyes of amber.  One taste of the arch of my back and the ridge of my collarbone will have you hooked- I am honeysuckle and lace... black coffee and leather.

I am a scholar.  I attend the school of hard knocks daily- I received my bachelors degree in foolishness, my masters' in mistakes, and am working on my doctorate in apologies.  I am a roller coaster... I will twist and turn you until your head spins and you are sent reeling out of confusion.  I will flip you upside down until your stomach is sick and you puke regret.  I will take you on your highest of highs and once you can not take the anticipation any longer... I will drop you.  As frightening as I am, you will ride over and over again.

I am depression and I am joy.  I am sex and I am regret.  I am lovely, beautiful, hilarious, hideous, and mysterious.  I am all of these things and more. 

I am pancakes in pajamas on a Sunday morning and I am a suit, tie, and carpool on Monday. 

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Don't Worry!

Well, today I turn one year older and I thought that it would bother me... one step closer to heading over that proverbial hill.  It doesn't though.  I am feeling full of love and light and blessings today!  I really couldn't ask for more in my life.  I have a family that loves me unconditionally, friends who stand by me through thick and thin, a job that I love, the sun in my face, and wind at my back.  What a beautiful life!

That being said, I want to vow to stop worrying about a few things.  There are things that I can change and things that I can not so, why waste the time and energy worrying about them?  Here's my list...

#1:  Laugh lines:  They call them laugh lines for a reason!  If you have laugh lines like me, consider yourself blessed.  This merely means that there were things in your life that made you happy- happy enough to laugh out loud, cry a little, hell... maybe even pee a little!  They left a permanent record of wonderful times on your face.  Enjoy them!

#2:  The past:  The past is the past.  You can't change it so why worry about it?  Hell, maybe you learned a lesson or two along the way!

#3:  Forgetting your phone at home:  Remember the old days when we had no cell phones?  We survived just fine... don't worry about your phone!  People will survive if you can't read their Facebook posts right away, I promise!

#4:  Fitting in:  We're not in high school anymore guys.  Trust me, it is so much more fun to be yourself.  Let your freak flag fly!  Wear Crocs, dye your hair fuchsia,  read books, stay home on a Saturday night, kiss your lover in public, and eat that second cookie.  You only live once and trust me... none of us are getting out of this alive.

#5:  Things will go wrong:  The car will break down, the dog will dig out of the back yard, the toilet will overflow, and it will rain during an outdoor party... oh well.  You can't plan for everything and nothing is perfect.  Improvise and enjoy the imperfections.

#6:  Zits:  Yes, they are ugly.  Yes, they are annoying.  Guess what... if you still get them, you still have youthful skin!  Count your lucky stars and thank those pesky zits!  You are still a spring chicken so use a cleanser and toner and go about your business!

#7:  Body functions:  Guess what... we all poop.  It happens.  We fart.  We poop.  We burp.  Now that I've put that on paper, let's move on.

#8:  Being perfect:  Ever heard of airbrushing?  Those super models in fashion magazines are airbrushed.  They don't even resemble themselves so how can you?  Stop trying to have the Kim Kardashian butt, the Carrie Underwood hair, or the Angelina Jolie lips.  Accept who you are and what you look like.  The sooner you learn to love your self, the sooner you can live a happy, healthy life and genuine happiness is so worth it.  I promise.

#9:  Bills:  The bills are going to keep coming in... they are relentless!  Pay what you can, make arrangements, be responsible, and do the best that you can do.  The bills aren't going anywhere!  Don't lose sleep because you haven't paid off your student loan yet... make your payments and enjoy a good night's sleep.

#10:  Looking stupid:  Sing Karaoke.  Sleep naked.  Dress up on Halloween.  Buy those blue suede shoes.  Trust me, nobody really cares if you make a fool out of yourself while dancing... in fact, they are probably jealous because they don't have the nerve to let loose a little.  Be yourself!  Do silly dances that don't match the rhythm of the song... maybe you will inspire someone else to have some fun. 

Lastly, don't worry about your age or your birthdays.  Just look at it as, "Another year wiser."  Enjoy life to the fullest because after all, you are only this age once.

Thursday, June 5, 2014

Disco Dancing Flamboyant Army of One

"Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that.  Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that."  Martin Luther King Jr.

Religious Discrimination
Body Shaming
Writing about hate and hate crimes is not new... it's been happening for nearly a century and hate crimes have happened since early civilization with the persecution of Christians in the Roman Empire.  The first investigation into a hate crime occurred during WWI when the Klu Klux Klan (KKK) marched in Washington D.C. and murdered black and white civilians; hate crimes are nothing new.
What is new is the types of hate crimes.  People are more open with their sexualities, religious beliefs, political affiliations, and bodies and doing so has opened up new doors for hate.  Racism, sexism, and religious persecution are not alone now.  We now have body hate, homophobia, and transphobia and the crimes range from bullying to murder.  The worst part is that the hate starts at a much earlier age- elementary school, junior high school, and high school.

People do not choose their sexual orientation, race, sex, or body type.  Period.

Homosexuality, bisexuality, transexuality, etc. are targets for more and more hate groups as of late.  Non-heterosexual couples are gaining the freedom to marry in many states and have received backlash, boycotts, lawsuits, and violent attacks allover the country.  This month alone NOM (National Organization for Marriage) filed three different continuances in the Oregon Supreme Court in an attempt to stop the legalization of same-sex couple marriages.  Why?  What would such an organization gain from preventing two people who love each other from getting married?  Why would they care?  

I can promise (from first hand experience) that homosexual, bisexual, and transexual couples do not want to "convert" anybody to their sexual preference.  They will not come onto you in a public setting, they will not sexually harass you, and they do not have a hidden agenda to convert your children into homosexual minions who will take over the world.  They simply want to be left alone and to have the same freedoms that every other human being has been allowed for centuries.  In fact, I'm going to share a little secret... they want the same thing that heterosexuals all around the world want- to be happy.  Hard to believe isn't it?  I know, I know... it's so much easier to hate them when you believe that they are sexually harassing you and forming a rainbow farting, glitter throwing, disco dancing flamboyant army!

Time Magazine recently released an issue with Laverne Cox, the first black trans-gender female celebrity, on the cover.  The issue discusses the many difficulties that a trans-gender person faces on a daily basis.  There has been a large rallying of support for Laverne and the trans-gender cause but there has also been a lot of backlash.  Many people have spewed hate regarding the cover and several stores have refused to carry the magazine at all.  (After all, the trannies may get them in their sleep!)

"There’s not just one trans story. There’s not just one trans experience. And I think what they need to understand is that not everybody who is born feels that their gender identity is in alignment with what they’re assigned at birth, based on their genitalia. If someone needs to express their gender in a way that is different, that is OK, and they should not be denied healthcare. They should not be bullied. They don’t deserve to be victims of violence … That’s what people need to understand, that it’s okay and that if you are uncomfortable with it, then you need to look at yourself." - Laverne Cox

Hate can only be cured with one thing... education.  The more you attempt to learn about those around you, the more you fill your mind with education, and the less room you will have for hate.  I am in love with the idea that one day nobody will ever say the word, "Faggot."  I am in love with the idea that one day children will be taught by their parents that it is ok to be different and that differences fuel beauty.  I am in love with the idea that one day there will be no need to have discussions about sexuality because it will no longer be an issue.  I am in love with the idea that one day nobody will ever have to "come out" and I am in love with the idea that one day every couple will be able to openly walk down the street hand in hand without fear of retaliation.
Hate has to stop.  We have to hit a breaking point where the differences between us only make us happier, healthier human beings.  We have to allow each other to be comfortable in our own skin and to not have to pretend to be someone we are not.

Until then, I will continue to speak out, I will continue to love who I choose, and I will continue to preach against hate.  I will happily form a glitter throwing, rainbow farting army of one and you are more than welcome to join me.

Wednesday, May 28, 2014

Maya Angelou

Dr. Maya Angelou will always be one of my biggest inspirations.  She was not only a brilliant writer... she was an editor, a dancer, a fierce feminist, a civil rights activist, and a philanthropist.  Her memoir, "I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings,"  inspired many to overcome trials and heartbreak and to-

Maya Angelou is one of the voices of our generation.  She is the absolute definition of a Phoenix.

"You may shoot me with your words.
You may cut me with your eyes.
You may kill me with your hatefulness.
But still like air I'll rise."

I remember the first time that I read Maya Angelou's writings.  I was in high school, struggling to find my place, anger-ridden and depressed.  I was given a poetry assignment and I chose "Phenomenal Woman."  I read the poem over and over... I couldn't stop.  I struggled to understand how a woman could be so confident... how one could write,
"Pretty women wonder where my secret lies.
I’m not cute or built to suit a fashion model’s size   
But when I start to tell them,
They think I’m telling lies.
I say,
It’s in the reach of my arms,
The span of my hips,   
The stride of my step,   
The curl of my lips.   
I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman,   
That’s me.

I walk into a room
Just as cool as you please,   
And to a man,
The fellows stand or
Fall down on their knees.   
Then they swarm around me,
A hive of honey bees.   
I say,
It’s the fire in my eyes,   
And the flash of my teeth,   
The swing in my waist,   
And the joy in my feet.   
I’m a woman

Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Men themselves have wondered   
What they see in me.
They try so much
But they can’t touch
My inner mystery.
When I try to show them,   
They say they still can’t see.   
I say,
It’s in the arch of my back,   
The sun of my smile,
The ride of my breasts,
The grace of my style.
I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me.

Now you understand
Just why my head’s not bowed.   
I don’t shout or jump about
Or have to talk real loud.   
When you see me passing,
It ought to make you proud.
I say,
It’s in the click of my heels,   
The bend of my hair,   
the palm of my hand,   
The need for my care.   
’Cause I’m a woman
Phenomenal woman,
That’s me."
Where did this power come from and what inspired her?   Maya Angelou was a force to be reckoned with and the power of those words moved me and inspired a more productive anger inside of me.  I decided to try writing.  I used poetry and short stories as my outlet and the melodic words of Maya Angelou were what inspired me.

Dr. Angelou rose from poverty and pain to become one of the most influential women of our time;  she is a kindred writer with a courageous soul and will be dearly missed.  Rest in Peace beautiful Maya Angelou.

Friday, May 16, 2014

Friday's Letters

Dear Oregon,
Thank you so much for the beautiful weather.  I have enjoyed the sunshine, warm temperatures, and beautiful sunsets.  

Dear Faithful Friends,
Where do you find your faith?  How do you believe?
I have such a difficult time believing in something that I cannot physically see or an entity of which there is no written proof.  How do you just, "believe?" 
I so admire that!

Dear Kie,
You're a doll!  Thank you for putting up with my:
obsessive cleaning
indecisive mind
inability to admit fault (due to the fact that I am never wrong)
fickle heart
razor blade tongue
refusal to purchase or cook red meat (or pork)
green "sludge" breakfast shakes
"on a whim" creativity

Dear Mom,

Dear Noah,
You have been my biggest blessing.  I love you more than a fat kid loves cake, more than a dog loves a bone, more than a fisherman loves the sea, and more than a zombie loves brains.  Always remember that you are the greatest thing that has ever happened to me.